Could you describe your
spiritual experience for us and your
understanding of what happened?
Answer
In December 1934, I
appeared at Towns Hospital, New York. My old
friend, Dr. William Silkworth shook his head.
Soon free of my sedation and alcohol I felt
horribly depressed. My friend Ebby turned up and
although glad to see him, I shrank a little as I
feared evangelism, but nothing of the sort
happened. After some small talk, I again asked
him for his neat little formula for recovery.
Quietly and sanely and without the slightest
pressure he told me and then he left.
Lying there in
conflict, I dropped into the blackest depression
I had ever known. Momentarily my prideful
depression was crushed. I cried out, "Now I am
ready to do anything - anything to receive what
my friend Ebby has."
Though I certainly didn't expect anything, I did
make this frantic appeal, "If there be a God,
will He show Himself!" The result was instant,
electric beyond description. The place seemed to
light up, blinding white. I knew only ecstasy
and seemed on a mountain. A great wind blew,
enveloping and penetrating me. To me, it was not
of air but of Spirit. Blazing, there came the
tremendous thought, "you are a free man." Then
the ecstasy subsided. Still on the bed, I now
found myself in a new world of consciousness
which was suffused by a Presence. One with the
Universe, a great peace came over me. I thought,
"So this is the God of the preachers, this is
the great Reality." But soon my so-called reason
returned, my modern education took over and I
thought I must be crazy and I became terribly
frightened.
Dr. Silkworth, a
medical saint if ever there was one, came in to
hear my trembling account of this phenomenon.
After questioning me carefully, he assured me
that I was not mad and that perhaps I had
undergone a psychic experience which might solve
my problem. Skeptical man of science though he
then was, this was most kind and astute. If he
had of said, "hallucination," I might now be
dead. To him I shall ever be eternally grateful.
Good fortune
pursued me. Ebby brought me a book entitled
"Varieties of Religious Experience" and I
devoured it. Written by William James, the
psychologist, it suggests that the conversion
experience can have objective reality.
Conversion does alter motivation and it does
semi-automatically enable a person to be and to
do the formerly impossible. Significant it was,
that marked conversion experience came mostly to
individuals who knew complete defeat in a
controlling area of life. The book certainly
showed variety but whether these experiences
were bright or dim, cataclysmic or gradual,
theological or intellectual in bearing, such
conversions did have a common denominator - they
did change utterly defeated people. So declared
William James, the father of modern psychology.
The shoe fitted and I have tried to wear it ever
since.
For drunks, the
obvious answer was deflation at depth, and more
of it. That seemed plain as a pikestaff. I had
been trained as an engineer, so the news of this
authoritative psychologist meant everything to
me. This eminent scientist of the mind had
confirmed everything that Dr. Jung had said, and
had extensively documented all he claimed. Thus
William James firmed up the foundation on which
I and many others had stood all these years. I
haven't had a drink of alcohol since 1934. (N.Y.
Med. Soc. Alcsm., April 28,1958).
