My Struggles with Relapse: explore NA meetings San Diego
Disclaimer: This is a guest post written by an individual who wished to remain anonymous. We believe in protecting the privacy of those who are brave enough to share their recovery stories.
Note from the AA-Meetings.com Team: Everyone’s path to sobriety looks different. Whether you’re attending your first meeting or returning after a relapse, you are always welcome here. We hope this story reminds you that you’re not alone.
When I first decided to get clean, I honestly believed that would be it. I went to my first meeting full of fear, but also hope. I had no idea what to expect, but I remember feeling relief the moment I sat down. I started checking out different options, even trying to explore NA meetings San Diego to see what support was available near me. For the first few months, I felt strong, grounded; even confident. But like many people, I didn’t realize how tricky relapse can be until I was in the middle of one.
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The High of Early Recovery
There’s something powerful about those early days of sobriety. I felt clear-headed for the first time in a long time. I started tracking my progress with a sobriety calculator, proud of every day I added. I was going to AA meetings regularly and even started digging into the 12 steps of AA. I thought I was doing everything right.
But if I’m being honest, I also started to think I didn’t need it all. I thought I could skip a few meetings, that I had this under control. I didn’t want to admit that I still felt overwhelmed some days. I smiled and shared the “right” things, but I was struggling more than I let on.
The Slow Slide into Relapse
Looking back, the signs were there. I stopped calling people from my support circle. I skipped meetings. I started isolating. I told myself I was just busy or tired, but deep down, I knew I was slipping.
The night I relapsed wasn’t some dramatic fall. It was quiet. I told myself it was just one drink. Just one night. But it wasn’t. Once I broke that promise to myself, it was hard to stop. That false sense of control vanished, and the guilt came rushing in.
Shame, Guilt, and Wanting to Disappear
The worst part wasn’t relapsing. It was how ashamed I felt afterward. I didn’t want to face anyone, especially not the people who had cheered me on. I thought I had let everyone down, including myself.
I Googled things like “therapists near me” and “AA meetings near me,” but I didn’t act on them right away. I thought about going to a halfway house just to start fresh. For weeks, I avoided everything; meetings, phone calls, even my family. I convinced myself I wasn’t cut out for recovery.
Choosing to Come Back
Eventually, I reached a breaking point. I couldn’t keep hiding. I looked up AA near me again and chose a meeting in a different part of town, just so I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew. But the second I walked in, I remembered why I came in the first place.
People shared stories that sounded like mine. Some of them had relapsed too, and they didn’t seem ashamed of it. That meeting was the first time I heard someone say, “Relapse is part of some people’s story, not the end of it.” That stuck with me.
I kept going back. I decided to explore NA meetings San Diego more seriously and even tried a few different groups until I found one where I felt at home again. Around that same time, someone told me to check out the Radar Recovery Center, and it helped me understand more about addiction as a disease; not a failure.
What I’ve Learned and Where I Am Now
I’m still on this journey. I’m not perfect, and I don’t have to be. Recovery isn’t about never messing up. It’s about learning, getting back up, and staying connected.
Today, I focus more on honesty and accountability. I keep a list of meetings, including NA and AA meetings, and I stay close to people who understand the struggle. I’ve learned to ask questions, lean into the uncomfortable moments, and not be afraid of the FAQs of AA meetings; even if I’ve heard them before.
If you’re reading this and you’ve relapsed, you’re not alone. You don’t have to hide. There’s no shame in starting over. Explore NA meetings San Diego or look up AA near you. Just take that next step; you never know who you might meet or what you might learn.