From Shame to Strength: Step Eight in AA Changed Me
I still remember the pit in my stomach when I first read the words step eight in AA. “Make a list of all persons we had harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.” At that time, I was barely holding it together. I had gotten sober, sure, but I hadn’t started the real emotional work yet. I felt like I was constantly looking over my shoulder, avoiding the past like it might jump out and swallow me whole. But something about that step tugged at me. It felt terrifying, and necessary.
Read more: Support Beats Shame: Understanding The 12 Steps of AA
Alcohol Addiction and the Weight of Guilt
Before sobriety, I carried a lot more than hangovers. I carried the weight of broken trust, unanswered messages, and a long trail of damage I didn’t want to face. Alcohol addiction didn’t just make me numb, it made me disappear from the lives of people who once mattered to me. And when I sobered up, all those memories came crashing in like a flood. I tried to push them down, pretend I could just move forward. But in the back of my mind, I knew healing wouldn’t happen without confronting what I had done.
My First Encounter With Step Eight in AA Meetings
The first time I heard someone share about step eight in AA meetings, I felt seen in a way I hadn’t before. This person didn’t sugarcoat it. They talked about the fear, the resistance, the overwhelming shame. But they also talked about peace, about how making that list and becoming willing was the beginning of letting go. I sat in that folding chair thinking, maybe if they could do it, I could too. That was the moment I stopped running.
Creating the List: One Name at a Time
When I sat down with a pen and notebook, I didn’t know where to start. But I just wrote one name. Then another. Some names made my chest ache. Others surprised me. There were people I hadn’t thought about in years, people I hurt and forgot. Writing the list wasn’t about feeling bad, it was about getting honest. My sponsor reminded me I didn’t have to act on it right away. Step eight in AA isn’t about the amends yet. It’s about willingness. And that willingness started to shift something inside me.
The Role of AA Meetings in the Healing Process
AA meetings became my safety net during this step. I heard stories from people at all stages of the 12 steps of AA. Some were just writing their lists. Some had already made amends and were living free from their past. Their honesty gave me courage. When I shared in the group, no one flinched. No one judged. They nodded, they listened, they got it. I even searched AA meetings near me just to find more places where I could feel that same connection.
Sobriety Is More Than Not Drinking
Step eight in AA taught me that sobriety is more than just putting down the drink. It’s about becoming someone I can live with. Someone who faces their past instead of hiding from it. I still carry regret, but it doesn’t weigh me down anymore. It’s part of my story, not my identity. Sometimes I look at a sobriety calculator and feel proud, but it’s steps like this that remind me what the real work is.
Finding Help Along the Way
If you’re walking this path and struggling with the emotional load, know this: you don’t have to do it alone. Whether it’s talking to a sponsor, a support group, or even searching for therapists near me, reaching out makes all the difference. I also found resources like the Radar Recovery Center helpful for education and community. This journey can feel heavy, but the more people you let in, the lighter it gets.
Halfway Houses, Community, and Continuing the Work
I spent some time in a halfway house early in my recovery, and honestly, it was a turning point. Being surrounded by others walking the same road helped me feel grounded. I learned that showing up, listening, and sharing is part of what keeps me sober. I still look up AA near me from time to time when I need a boost or a fresh perspective. Sometimes, I scroll through the FAQs of AA meetings just to remind myself of the basics I’ve come to rely on.
Take the Next Step Toward Healing
If you’re feeling stuck or afraid of your past, I get it. But step eight in AA is not about punishment, it’s about healing. It’s not about fixing everything overnight, it’s about becoming willing. Willing to grow, to face the hard stuff, and to stop carrying it alone. If you're ready to begin, use our directory to find AA meetings near you, a sponsor, or a support group. You are not alone, and it’s never too late to start healing.